Konoha can kill me, but it can't make me care
by Okita-san Daishouri
Summary: Erin O'Hara is a US Marine with a love-hate relationship with the ocean, a fear of lightning, and a chronic inability to keep her mouth shut. Finding herself stuck in a weird pseudo-Japan full of bullshit magic and child soldiers, she tries to get home before she gets blacklisted for going UA and any future career prospects are ruined... or she dies. That'd be pretty suck-ass, too.
1. Chapter 1

**The following is a fan-written story. _Naruto_ is owned by Kishimoto Masashi, yada yada yada yada...**

**I'd say "Please support the official release", but _Naruto _is over and I refuse to acknowledge the existence of an alleged sequel about a hypothetical son which shall remain unnamed.**

* * *

Takeo was the first one to find her by the side of the road, sitting on an odd brown pack that looked almost as big as she was. She was chewing on some kind of ration bar, and looking in the complete opposite direction of the caravan's approach. He considered the possibility she was a distraction for an attack, but decided it was unlikely. This close to the border, there was no shortage of patrols to intercept bandits or missing nin, and a large clearing like this was a horrible place for an ambush.

Still, he remained hidden in the nearby trees and studied her. She had straight brown hair, cut in a face-framing chin-length bob. She was pretty enough, he supposed, with fair skin and brown eyes. She wore sturdy-looking brown boots, and there was a kind of eccentric practicality to the rest of her clothing. The trousers and long-sleeved shirt certainly looked made to last and good for travel, materially, but the random splotching of black, brown, and green that covered them seemed ridiculous. If it was supposed to be camouflaging, Takeo had doubts about its effectiveness, especially as the splotching only covered the arms and shoulders of the shirt, the rest of it a dark tan similar to the pack she was sitting on. Some kind of rigid brown pouch was fixed to her left thigh, clearly a weapon holster of some kind, though just what kind of weapon it was supposed to hold, or even how the pouch opened, escaped him. The long black construct leaning against her leg was just as alien to him, beyond his instincts insisting it was also a weapon of some sort.

She tensed as the sounds of the caravan finally reached them, grabbing for the black object at her side before she registered what the noise was, and relaxed. He did as well, having tensed himself in the event he'd misread the situation, but it seemed she was simply a lone traveler. Which had its own issues, honestly – this woman was either very brave or very foolish to be traveling alone, even in this time of relative peace.

Briefly, he wondered if she might be from the Land of Lightning. There were always rumors of Kumo getting up to strange research (when they weren't trying to commit bloodline theft), and new technology from the region was particularly coveted by R&D. He brushed the thought off. No, if he had to guess a country of origin for her, he'd have to say it was the Land of Fire. The markings on her cheeks in particular seemed vaguely familiar, though the memory slipped away from him every time he tried to pin it down.

The brief flare of Tarō-sensei's chakra (and he would always be Tarō-sensei, no matter how long ago their genin days were) brought Takeo back to the present. He flared his own in response, an implied 'all-clear'. The woman didn't react at all. That, coupled with the lack of chakra he sensed from her, convinced him she was a civilian.

He remained in the tree and watched. As soon as the caravan started to come into view, the woman hurriedly stuffed the wrapper in a cargo pocket and slung the black device across her front as she stood up. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before she reached down into the pack and pulled out a large olive-green square of fabric covered with odd black patterning that she wrapped around the lower half of her face with practiced motions. Daisuke appeared at his shoulder before he could think on it much further, and after a few hand signals moved off ahead of the convoy to take over his position as scout. Takeo remained behind for additional security, as Tamura-san, the caravan director, and – yeah, that was Tarō-sensei's shadow clone – approached the woman.

Her name was Ohara Erin, and she was very, very lost. Her speech was mildly amusing: an odd mish-mash of overly formal and child-like, like she'd only learned to speak late in life and there were quite a few words she still didn't know. Neither she nor Tamura-san seemed to recognize any of the places the other listed off, and the story she told about how she got here was too ridiculous to be believable. It only further convinced Takeo she was harmless – no self-respecting infiltrator would try a cover so outrageous. She just woke up on the coast a couple days east, with no memory of how she got there? Please. From the look on her face, she knew how unbelievable it sounded too, but he had to admire how she stuck to it. The odd make of her gear and strange symbols she insisted were words certainly lent credence to the idea she was a foreigner, but Takeo still couldn't shake the thought he'd seen her somewhere before.

Tarō-sensei's clone eventually concluded she wasn't a threat, and left the final say up to Tamura-san. Ohara-san volunteered to do odd jobs or serve as a guard in return for letting her travel with them, which somewhat put the decision back in Tarō-sensei's hands (to Takeo's amusement). After some haggling, they agreed she could join the caravan at least as far as Yugakure at which point, Tarō-sensei readily admitted, it wouldn't be Cell Four's problem anymore. Ohara-san actually laughed aloud at that.

* * *

Ohara-san quickly proved her capability, as a general helper if nothing else. Unloading, loading, setting up, serving food… if an extra hand would be helpful, she could usually be found nearby. Some of the civilian women frowned at her odd dress and tutted about her indulgence in manual labor, but those were mostly the short-term travelers, people traveling with the caravan for safety's sake or convenience, and it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. She struck up a fast friendship with one of the caravan's semi-regular members, a cabbage merchant named Ujie Akii. Ujie-san signed on to the caravan every three or four months to make her deliveries (and was absolutely _not_ a cover for their old teammate Akiko, which he needs to remember _before_ he nearly blows it, _Daisuke_), taking advantage of the hotels and restaurants that were taking advantage of the travelers who came to visit the many natural hot springs. The two seemed to bond over being the "weird unmarried working women", as Ujie-san put it, and the "lessons" she gave the new girl to "make you sound like less of a country bumpkin."

(Takeo knew _he_ slept easier knowing Akiko was on hand if Ohara-san turned out to be a threat, and suspected the others did too.)

Ohara-san, for her part, picked up the lessons with a speed that seemed to surprise even her, which brought another theory to mind: brain damage. Tarō-sensei admitted it was a possibility when Takeo mentioned it, but cautioned they had no way of knowing unless they could convince her to come back to Konoha with them, which might itself not be a good idea. He kept the feeling he knew her from somewhere around the village to himself until he could recall the clan her markings reminded him of. They were nearly to Yugakure by this point and Ohara-san seemed perfectly content to stay with the caravan, which was continuing north into the Land of Lightning, so it was probably a moot point. Didn't stop the thought from bugging the shit out of him, of course. Ohara-san was providing much more colorful commentary by this point, and Takeo knew it was Akiko talking, not 'Ujie-san', when she said she was going to miss the strange girl's sense of humor, dry and dark as it might have been.

When they did arrive at Yugakure, Ohara-san took the odd step of actually shaking Cell Four's hands and thanking them "for everything" (whatever that meant) before jogging back over to help Tamura-san and the other workers unload the caravan's current cargo. Takeo quickly put it out of his mind; with their "official" mission over, the whole Cell met up secretly for one last touching of bases before they moved to camp outside the city and waited to provide backup that hopefully wasn't needed. Takeo didn't know about the others, but he certainly had plenty to think about while they were cooling their heels. You'd think it'd be easier to recall which clan had rectangular purple face markings, even if it was a minor one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Couple minor changes to the first chapter, because I realized I forgot something when I was writing _this_ one. Erin's wearing FROG gear now, and she puts a shemagh over the lower half of her face before the caravan properly sees her.**

**I still don't own _Naruto,_ either.**

* * *

Erin felt like she'd done a good job keeping her bearing through that shitshow with the replacement ninja for the caravan, but she _really _wanted to hit something now that it was over. Preferably that lecherous asshat calling himself the team leader. Nice hard kick to the crotch, follow up with a second kick to the diaphragm, and finish the bastard off with a heel stomp to his fat, ugly nose. Or his temple, she guessed, he'd probably still be curled up on his side.

Not that it really mattered whether it was his nose or his temple, she grudgingly admitted to herself. The fuckwit still had his head, and Erin hadn't caused an international (interdimensional?) incident by turning it into so much red paste. It didn't sound like all that fair of a trade, honestly, but she'd leave the ruining of the locals' image of Marines to the actual grunts. If that bastard had tried to actually _touch_ her, though, she'd've caused that incident and damn the consequences. In the meantime, plotting murder was good stress relief, and only illegal if she actually went through with it.

Ujie-san nearly choked on her sake laughing when Erin said that out loud, after they'd met up that evening at the izakaya near the crash pad her boss apparently maintained for these trips.

"I've never been to the Land of Lightning," she admitted, once she got her breathing back under control, "but I have heard stories about their shinobi. They say a Kumo nin tried to kidnap a _clan heiress_ a few years back, if you can believe it."

"What, you're saying he might've been trying to _collect_ me or something? That just makes his come-on even worse!"

Ujie-san laughed and shrugged. "You're interesting. Kumogakure has a reputation for taking things that interest them."

_Bet your Konohagakure has a reputation like that, too._

Just because she rarely bothered to keep her thoughts behind her teeth didn't mean she couldn't. Erin wasn't stupid. Ujie-san was the closest thing she had to a friend right now, she didn't want to risk getting stranded with no leads.

One of the staff came by to make sure Ujie-san was alright, and to ask again if Erin was sure she didn't want anything. She did not. It felt awkward enough sitting there in her utilities, she wasn't about to add drinking in uniform to her imaginary military rap sheet. Realities of the situation be damned; some habits are hard to break.

Ujie-san seemed to be deep in thought when Erin turned back to her, or at least deep in concentration. "Are you ever going to take that…" she hesitated over the unfamiliar word, "_shi-maa_… off? Your eyes are too expressive for it to hide what you're feeling."

Erin's initial impulse was to argue she _had _taken it off before – to eat on the road and to shower once they'd arrived, but she didn't want to get into that 'argument' right now, as enjoyable as it'd be. "That's not what it's for."

"Then why wear it?" Ujie-san asked with an amused huff.

_Because I woke up here with weird purple tattoos I definitely didn't have when I went to sleep at home and I'm worried about what it means._

Erin shrugged. "Comfort, mostly. And the entertainment value."

"Entertainment value?"

In response, Erin grabbed one of the remaining edamame, slid it up under the shemagh into her mouth, and started chewing. She'd had to rearrange it somewhat, but it was worth it for the disappointed slump in Ujie-san's shoulders, subtle as it was.

Ujie-san clearly realized why Erin was grinning, because she responded with a haughty sniff and a sip of her drink like nothing had happened. "You know that's not how you're supposed to eat those," she said, in lieu of admitting she'd been caught.

Erin's grin just got bigger. "Fiber is good for you."

Ujie-san gave an amused sigh and muttered something about farmland and a house on fire, Erin wasn't exactly paying attention. A shiver had run up her spine like someone walking on her grave. She took her time to thoroughly scan the area. There was nothing she could see, but that meant very little.

"Ohara-san?"

It took a surprising amount effort to turn back toward the concerned-looking woman she was sharing a table with. "I think I'm done for the night, Ujie-san. The caravan didn't pan out, so I'll have to find something else starting tomorrow. I'd hate to impose on you further, but…"

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," Ujie-san said understandingly, "It can get dreadfully boring alone in that apartment, I'm happy to share. Just let me finish this and pay; I think I'm ready to turn in, too." Thankfully for Erin's nerves, she finished quickly and they were soon out the door.

Erin let out a breath as they started down the street, the longer sightlines it offered letting some of the tension bleed away. They walked in silence for a bit before Ujie-san piped up.

"So, what's the _real_ reason you wanted to get out of there?"

"I don't know," Erin admitted with a frown, peering down a wide alley they were passing with suspicion. "The place just… felt suffocating, all of a sudden." Is that a person there in the shadows, or are her eye playing tricks on her?

Ujie-san hummed indifferently, linking her hands behind her head. "That's too bad, I'd hoped to convince you to loosen up, maybe find-"

"_Down!_"

Contrary to what she'd barked, Erin did not pull Ujie-san to the ground. Instead, she pulled her to the side just in time to avoid a trio of odd-shaped knives, one of which embedded itself in the ground where Ujie's head would've been if she _had_ hit the deck. Putting herself between Ujie and the edge of the building, Erin drew her pistol and took a second look at the projectiles. And then a third look because _was that a fucking __**masonry trowel**__?!_

_Focus, O'Hara._

Peeking carefully around the corner, Erin thought she spotted the assassin, but couldn't be sure. "This is your only warning!" she called out, "Come out with your hands up, or I will be forced to defend myself!" She cringed internally at how stupid that sounded, but at least her ass was covered when she wasted this asshole.

A glint out of the corner of her eye pulled her back from the alley to see a neatly severed arm clutching a tipless tantō hit the ground just before the rest of the cloaked body did. A thin whistling, whipping sound revealed Ujie-san at the center of a glittering cylinder of metal wire that scythed around her in erratic arcs, forcing two more figures in thick cloaks to keep their distance or lose body parts. One of them was already clutching what was left of their arm.

The near-silent scuff of a sandal behind her was the only warning Erin had. She dropped, already rolling to her left before she even hit the ground, coming up on her back to see the assailant's tantō striking the ground where she had just been. The sights settled on the blank white full-face mask.

She saw in her peripherals as the others all flinched at the gunshots echoing down the street. Ujie recovered first and took her assailants apart in a bloody haze with neat, looping snaps of her wire.

Pistol still trained on her target, Erin stood and kicked the tantō away before turning to verify there were no further incoming. Weapon safed, she faced Ujie-san and suppressed a flinch. The woman's once-dark eyes now burned bright red, and the complete lack of blood on her despite how much of it had been flying around from the wires painted an extremely creepy picture Erin was studiously ignoring.

Keeping her finger straight and off the trigger, she cleared her throat and nudged the broken facemask off the tango with her boot. Utterly unremarkable, based on what she could glean from what was left of his face. "Any chance you recognize these guys, shinobi-san?" She'd have to be incredibly thick to think Ujie-san was just a merchant at this point, if that was even her name.

_Ninjas are kinda like spies in that regard, right? Fake names and shit?_

She couldn't see 'Ujie-san's' reaction, but _something_ in the air seemed to feel a whole lot lighter all of a sudden. "No. My cover's been blown; I need to leave _now_," she said, brushing past Erin at an almost-run.

After a moment's hesitation, Erin grabbed one of the masks and moved to catch up to 'Ujie-san'. "Right. What's our next move?"

She didn't stop, but the stutter in 'Ujie-san's' step gave away that she clearly wanted to. "'Our'?" she asked, something suspiciously like relief in her still-weirdly-red eyes.

"No one is going to buy that I'm uninvolved with whatever you're up to after that kerfuffle, shinobi-san. So yes: 'our'."

They'd reached the apartment by this point. Erin took the time to put her gloves and plate carrier on before putting her kevlar next to her rifle and throwing the few items she'd left floating around back in her pack. Turning around, she saw 'Ujie-san' had donned an olive-green flak jacket she'd pulled from… _somewhere_ and one of those swirly-leaf headbands Cell Four had been wearing on the road.

"My team is waiting out past the edge of the village;" the ninja shared, pulling her long black hair up into a ponytail, "we'll meet up with them and make our way back to the border. After that, we'll see."

"Right."

With a grunt, Erin hefted her pack and prepared to slid it over onto her back when 'Ujie-san' pulled a scroll out of one the chest pouches on her jacket and spread it across the floor, placing her own bag in the center of some kind of circular writing before making an odd hand signal. The bag disappeared in a large puff of smoke.

"Oh, that's just not fair," Erin complained after her brain had finished processing what she just saw.

A smile ghosted across 'Ujie-san's' face. "You'll move faster without that on your back," she stated. "Put it in the center of the seal."

Once that was done, Erin put her helmet on and they booked it. One of the local ninjas tried to stop them at the gate, but 'Ujie-san' cut Erin off before she could shoulder her rifle. Erin had no idea what she did to him, but they locked eyes and he suddenly took off, zealously chasing empty air.

"That won't hold him for long," she admitted, "let's go."

Erin desperately wanted to know what 'that' was, but there was no time to ask. Especially not when 'Ujie-san' suddenly took off like a rocket.

_Fuck, but that girl can sprint._

Picking up her own pace, she arrived at the rally point in time to watch the moonlight glittering off the neatly twisted wire nooses effortlessly removing hands and heads as 'Ujie-san' practically danced around the camp. By the end of it, six more bodies were scattered around the area, three of them in so many pieces and one of them that had already been on fire by the time they arrived.

_I have __**got**__ to get her to show me how she does that._

The team leader from Cell Four, Yamada, was visibly relieved as he checked 'Ujie-san' over in the aftermath. "Akiko! Thank the kami, you're alright."

"Forget me, is _Takeo_ alright?" she brushed him off with a concerned look at the second guy, sitting on the ground with an arm held carefully up by his head.

"Took a tantō to the chest, but it bounced off the rib." the last one, Dai-something, said as he finished wrapping a bandage around Takeo, "He should be fine."

Yamada tensed as he finally noticed Erin standing there, poking at one of the bodies with her boot. "Ohara-san. This is certainly a surprise." His tone was suspiciously level.

Erin pretended not to hear it, giving a jaunty little wave with her non-firing hand and forcing a grin. "You're telling me. Do _all_ your taskers end up like this?"

Yamada bristled, but whatever he was about to say was cut off when the now-named Akiko grabbed his upper arm.

"Sensei, she's on our side," she entreated. "Simply by association, if nothing else."

Releasing a long breath, Yamada relaxed, but only slightly. "No, Ohara-san, they don't. Frankly, I'm concerned about how quickly this got out of hand, but we can talk about it more once we're back in the Land of Fire." Erin nodded and prepared to start moving when Yamada held up a hand. "One last thing. What I say goes, understood? I don't have time to-"

"Yamada-taichō has tactical command, got it."

Yamada looked pained at the title, while Takeo started to laugh before cutting off with a groan.

"Please don't make me laugh," he asked with a grin, "Laughing hurts."

Erin returned the grin easily. "Sorry."

"Let's just… go." Yamada ordered a little lamely.

Dai-whatever slung Takeo's arm over his shoulder and they were soon off at a good clip. They rotated who was supporting Takeo without even slowing down, which Erin thought was a little impressive. There weren't many Marines she knew who could pull that off without eating shit. Beyond that, she was focused on keeping pace with them. She was by no means out of shape, but holy shit could these people go.

_Buncha fucking Energizer bunnies._

She refused to be the first to fall out. Even so, as the sun rose, she found herself falling farther and farther behind, though they never left her field of view. They kept moving, and so did she. Eventually they slowed down around midmorning, and she caught up. 'Dai-jobu' changed Takeo's bandages, and Erin resisted the temptation to flop over. They clearly weren't done moving just yet. Akiko sent her an apologetic look as they all caught their breath, but no one spoke.

They moved off again about an hour later, at a walk this time, which Erin was pathetically grateful for. She could barely feel her legs. No one said a word. Tensions were still high, even after so many hours. The sun peaked and set, and they kept walking. Erin was thankful for an MRE for probably the first time in her life as she ate on the road. They stopped every couple of hours to rest and change Takeo's bandages, but never for long. The sky was actually starting to lighten once again when Yamada finally called the halt.

"We'll rest here for a couple hours, then cover the rest of the distance to the outpost." He ordered.

"Who's got the watch?" Erin asked wearily. She _really_ didn't want to stand it, but there was no point in making it this far if they all died because of sloppiness.

"I'll take it, sensei." At the looks they all gave him, Takeo hurried to reassure them. "I've just been deadweight so far, I'm in no danger of falling asleep. I'll shout if anything happens."

Erin didn't have to be told twice. She laid back on the ground, kevlar propped under her head for a (very uncomfortable) pillow, and passed the fuck out.

* * *

The afternoon's movement to the outpost was much the same as before, long stretches at a brisk pace, with short breaks to change bandages and drink some water. Erin didn't even notice they'd reached it until Akiko pulled away from the group to open it up.

_That is some bomb-ass camouflaging._

'Dai-fuzzy-bunnies-die' immediately took Takeo further in for what Erin assumed was proper medical attention, and Akiko led the way to a small squadbay-type room before pulling Erin's pack out of whatever smokey netherworld it'd disappeared to. Erin jumped after an MRE and tore into it, too hungry to care what the meal was. After a minute, Yamada poked his head in.

"Once Takeo's situated, we need to talk about what in the world just happened." He said it conversationally, but it was clearly an order.

"Yes, sensei."

Erin already had a mouth full of MRE cracker and peanut butter, so she just gave him a thumbs-up and kept chewing. He returned it with a look of amused confusion before leaving to presumably pass word to the other half of the team.

Swallowing the last of her cracker, she took a drag from her CamelBak and checked what meal she'd managed to grab. "So, shinobi-san…"

_Oh, yuck, tortellini…_

Akiko smirked. At Erin's expression or the title, she didn't know. "I know you know my name, Ohara-san."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to assume you'd be okay with me using it, and I don't know your family name." Erin replied, focusing on not overfilling the heater bag and so completely missing the shock on her companion's face.

"I think you can call me Akiko," came the subdued reply after a long pause, "You've earned that much."

"Alright, Akiko-san…" Whatever _that_ was, Erin was not touching it with a ten-foot pole. Instead, she gestured vaguely around her. "…where is everyone?"

Akiko looked thoughtful for a minute. "Out on patrol, most likely."

Erin looked up sharply from where she was trying (and failing) to open the 'mixed fruit' side that was probably going to end up 70% syrup. "What, _everybody_?"

"Yes?" Akiko sounded genuinely confused, and also like she was trying not to laugh. "It'd be a bit hard to keep control of the border if they were in here all the time, after all."

_That's not an outpost, then,_ Erin wanted to complain, half-heartedly ignoring the thought that ninjas, as an irregular force, probably wouldn't have conventional outposts. Even ninjas on border patrol. _Wow, there's actually some fruit in here for once. _"Hope they never need backup, then," she settled for muttering, instead.

They sat in comfortable silence for another minute or so, Akiko pulling out her own rations and chowing down as well, if much more genteelly than Erin's 'if I shovel it in I don't have to taste it' method. The First Strike bar went into Erin's cargo pocket for later. The M&Ms were out of date (of course they were) but unmelted, and she'd take what she could get. She was just trying to decide if the main meal had cooled down enough to eat when Yamada-taichō reappeared and gestured for them to follow.

'Dai Viet' grinned at Akiko from the far side of the rack Takeo was laying on. "Told you he'd be fine."

"I never doubted you for a second," she replied with aplomb.

Yamada snorted in amusement as he leaned against the corner of the bed. Crossing his arms, he fixed the girls with a level stare. "So, what happened?"

"Erin-san and I-" Akiko glanced at her questioningly and Erin waved her on, trying to ignore how dry and grainy the tortellini tasted. "-were chatting in an izakaya when she indicated we needed to leave. We had made it most of the way to the apartment when we were ambushed by four assailants. I gave the signal before engaging two of them with my wire, and eliminating a third trying to attack Erin from outside her vision. Erin-san killed the last one with…" she hesitated, turning again to stare at Erin. "…I'm not actually sure what it was, but it looked and sounded like a small flash bomb."

All of them were looking at her now, actually. Erin returned the stares flatly, still chewing away. She was more curious about this 'signal' Akiko sent up, because she hadn't seen or heard anything that could've been a signal. Flicking the thigh holster's hood down, she held up the pistol. "What, you've never heard of a gun before?"

"I can't say that I have," Takeo remarked dryly from the bed. "How does it work?"

"It throws little lead balls really, _really_ fast."

Now it was Takeo's turn to look unimpressed, but Yamada cut him off before he could say anything. "Fascinating as it is, it can wait. I need to establish what happened first. What came next?"

Akiko shrugged. "We packed up and were out of the village within the half-hour. I had to use genjutsu on one of the Yu nin before he could identify me, but that was it."

Erin froze with the plastic spoon in her mouth. There was no way that was a real word. Still, everyone else was acting like business as usual, and that ninja had definitely hared off after nothing. She could feel her heart sinking.

_Fucking wonderful, this world has wizards._

Yamada was rubbing at his cheek now and frowning. He looked like he needed a shave. "We got your signal, but were attacked ourselves at practically the same moment," he admitted with a sigh. "I was afraid of this."

"Sensei?" 'Dai-l up tone' looked concerned but confused.

"It means they were deliberately targeting me, Daisuke." Akiko said quietly, her expression grim.

_Oh, so that's what his name is._

"Because you're an Uchiha?"

"What else could it be?" Takeo replied. "She's not exactly in the bingo book."

Erin just kept eating. She had nothing to really contribute to this conversation. She knew all of jack and shit about any of this wizard-ninja bullshit, though 'Uchiha' sounded vaguely familiar. Wasn't that a type of fan? She shoved a knuckle into the space between her eyebrows to try and make the pressure there go away.

"We have to get back to Konoha," Akiko insisted. "I have to inform the clan, I might not be the only one being targeted."

"The Hokage needs be told as well," Yamada said, pinning Akiko with a dry look that had her flushing and staring at the ground.

Erin rubbed her forehead with her free hand. She'd given up trying to follow the conversation, but that wasn't stopping her growing headache. She was just missing too much context here, though she could infer that this 'fire shadow' was probably some sort of boss-ninja. With a rather ostentatious title, if you asked her. "So what's our COA, then?"

Akiko just gave a resigned sigh, while the other three looked at her in confusion. "…'_kou-ah_'?"

_Goddammit._ Now it was Erin's turn to sigh."Course of action. It's a work acronym, sorry about that."

Yamada looked like he wanted to ask more, but shook his head. "We don't have a medical nin, so I'm afraid you're just going to be deadweight again, Takeo."

The injured man waved him off. "It's alright, sensei. I can warn the patrol once they return, hopefully one of them will have a Summons that can take a message just in case."

Akiko perked up at that. "Wait, messages! Could we-"

"The messenger hawk isn't here," Yamada seemed sorry to say it, "the patrol must've sent it out just before they left."

Putting aside the fact that these guys were apparently still using _birds_ when she was certain she'd seen _radios_ in Yugakure, Erin tried to get them back on track before her headache started to _actually _get painful. "What are _we_ going to do, then? How far is the village from here? How likely is it we'll be attacked again?"

"We'll leave Takeo here, to recover and warn the patrol." Yamada explained gently, his hands clasped loosely in front of him. "The rest of us will make for Konoha, which should take about a day. Though I'd like to believe our patrols are thorough enough to catch any other assailants, I'm not holding my breath since they were able to infiltrate Yugakure. Is there anything else you'd like to ask?" Erin was impressed by how polite he sounded. This man could give her mother lessons in passive-aggressiveness, holy shit.

She'd admit that one was on her, too, she hadn't exactly been courteous about it. She bowed in his direction as an apology. "I didn't mean to get snippy. I don't do well with headaches. I'm probably just dehydrated."

Yamada nodded. "Go get some rest, then. Keeping up with us as you did was impressive, Ohara-san." He stood up, and the other two snapped to attention (or at least a close enough facsimile that Erin had to suppress the urge to copy them). "In fact, we could all do with some more rest. We'll leave before dawn, so don't stay up too much longer."

"Yes, sensei."

"Roger that."


	3. Chapter 3

**The story title is a Full Metal Jacket reference, if anyone was curious. Replace "Konoha" with "Vietnam", and boom: tagline.**

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The sun still had yet to rise when Akiko shook Erin awake. This was to be expected, given when Yamada had said they'd move out, but that didn't stop her from grumbling as she blearily shoved her boots back on. She was packed and ready to go within minutes, and she sat on her pack by the entrance while she waited for the others. It took her a minute to realize they were probably saying farewells to the injured guy, whose name she wasn't awake enough to remember – Takoyaki, or something.

Speaking of food, she suddenly remembered the First Strike bar in her cargo pocket, and began gnawing on it to try and stay awake. Slowly, other thoughts began trickling in as her brain started engaging, and by the time the rest of the group had gathered (Erin's pack once more getting Vanished into the magic scroll Akiko had with her), she was frowning.

"We're certain those guys were deliberately going after Akiko-san, right?" she asked, around her mouthful of energy bar (_apple-cinnamon, yum_). She was still too tired to care about the various unimpressed looks she got for that, and took another bite while she waited for an answer.

Eventually, Yamada caved in with a sigh. "With how the initial strike was triggered, and their follow-on reactions, we have strong cause to believe it was a targeted attack, yes."

"How'd they know she was there, then?"

The room went dead silent.

Yamada put up a hand, cutting off whatever had been about to leave Akiko's mouth. "The only thing this changes is that our return just became that much more urgent," he said, and she subsided. Erin was impressed at his self-control. He turned to her next with an apologetic look. "I had intended to take an easier pace, but I'm afraid it's going to be another hard run, Ohara-san."

"Yeah, I figured." Erin sighed explosively. "My feet are going to _kill_ me after this, if they don't fall off."

The ninja chuckled with sympathetic amusement, and they all set off without further fanfare. Despite Yamada's warning, the run this time didn't seem to Erin as bad as that first stretch had been. It might've been because this time the ninja were keeping pace with her. (More or less – she was still at the back of the group, but they weren't pulling away like last time.) Unlike yesterday, they didn't stop to catch their breath at all, but Yamada seemed to have a sixth sense for when Erin was reaching the end of her rope, and would signal to slow the pace down until she caught her breath. It _rankled_, being the weak link. She took sips from her CamelBak whenever she could.

She'd lost track of all time in the _in-in-in-out, in-in-in-out _of her breathing, when her foot caught on a concealed root and she went face-first into the underbrush. Mind-fogging exhaustion was replaced by an adrenaline-fueled tirade of every curse she knew and a few she made up on the spot.

Daisuke's face was a hilarious shade of red, and Yamada just looked unimpressed as Erin loudly and crudely voiced her hatred of all things flora. As she was finally winding down, Akiko offered her a hand with a grin.

"You're all right, then?" Akiko clearly already knew the answer, but Erin appreciated being asked anyway.

"Yeah, my ego is bruised more than my–" In trying to take Akiko's hand, for the first time in however many hours, Erin looked up. There were white masks moving among the branches. Her rifle was in her hands and coming up to her shoulder as she fell back onto the ground. "Contact! Contact! Up high, in the trees!"

_click_

_BANG BANG_

_Fuck! Ear-pro!_

No time to dig ear protection out, the masks are moving. Allies to her right, backs against each other – they can handle themselves. She risks a roll to get her feet under her, still on one knee. Two coming at her, thirty meters.

Left target, two rounds. Right target, two rounds, pelvic shot. Left again, pelvic shot. _Just like Table 2._

Her ears won't stop ringing. Breathe in, observe. Mask with a kunai in his eye, slumped against a tree. Akiko making mask flambe, and Daisuke snaps a third's neck. Yamada's opponent thrusts, and he traps their arm under his, twisting it out of place with an audible pop. He's already thrusting a kunai through the underside of their chin before they can even scream. Two more masks are making tracks away – a hundred, hundred-twenty meters out.

Shoulder the rifle, good stock weld, good sight picture. Focus on the reticule, not the target.

Breathe out.

_BANG_

Tango down. Shift the body, shift the aim. _BANG_

"_Fuck!_" She jerked the trigger. The mask was gone.

A moment to verify the area is secure (at least for the moment), and all the adrenaline _rushes_ out of her. She slumps to the side, all the exertion catching up to her at once. She takes a long pull from her CamelBak and tries to catch her breath.

"Erin-san?"

Erin opened her eyes to see Akiko standing over her looking concerned. She waved her off, panting out, "Just… tired… I'll be fine… in a minute."

Akiko helped her to her feet again, before rooting around in a pouch on her belt and producing a little round ball that she offered to Erin. "Here, take this. It should help with the exhaustion."

Erin looked it suspiciously for a second before shrugging and popping it in her mouth. Biting down on the little medicine ball, she felt like she was about to jump out of her skin as energy suddenly flooded her body. "_Whoa_. What the fuck _is_ this, Pervitin? If I pop on my next piss test, I'm shooting you."

Daisuke frowned. "It's made with powerful stimulants and nutrients to nourish the body and rapidly replenish its energy. It's _natural_."

"Sure, they say the same thing about anabolic steroids and those're still banned," She drawled, shaking her arms out to try and get rid of some of the itchiness. "_Jesus Christ_, I feel like I could fistfight a gyūki. I'm going to crash _so_ fucking hard when this wears off, I know it."

"Please don't," Yamada deadpanned, "We just signed a treaty with Kumo, and picking a fight with their jinchūriki wouldn't end well for anybody."

She grinned at him, trying to ignore the traces of wariness in his posture. It was _understandable_, he hadn't known what her rifle could do. She wasn't hurt by his caution. She _wasn't_.

After a short break for Daisuke to verify no one was injured, and to gather up what weapons they could (Erin simply snagged another one of the masks and tucked it in her hydration pouch), they set off again. Whatever was in that Not-Pervitin was certainly doing its job, she felt like she could run forever.

Hours passed, and they kept going. Erin was going to have to drag the specifics of manufacture for this shit out of someone, she knew it. HQMC was going to _absolutely _want the details, if for no other reason than to determine just how much paperwork they could bury her under.

There was no lucky warning for the second engagement. One moment, they were running full tilt, the ninjas' mood cautiously optimistic (which Erin took to mean they were closing on the objective), the next, Erin's head was ringing like someone had chucked a rock at her helmet, and a kunai deflected off the front of her plate carrier. She kept her feet this time, somehow managing to deflect a tantō away with the barrel of her rifle. (She prayed it hadn't been scratched, or the armory would never let her turn it back in.)

At this range, she doesn't even have to aim. Her ears are ringing again, and something warm and wet is dripping down her face. She's not sure it's sweat. There's no space to properly wield it, she lets her rifle hang against her chest and picks up the tantō before rushing another hostile engaging Yamada.

She slams into the hostile from the side, taking him off his feet and ramming him into the tree. Jab to the face with the hilt, and his head bounces off the tree into the downward slice across his neck. She steps back and iron fills her mouth, unconsciously licking her lips as she turns to find another target.

She's swinging her blade to bat aside another tantō before her brain even registers it's there, and follows with a rear hook that catches the hostile just on the edge of the mask, which spins off into the brush.

_Holy shit, they're just kids._

But her pistol is already clear of the holster, and her finger is pressing the trigger.

Yamada is occupied with his hostile, a second is bleeding slumped against tree bleeding out and missing an arm, and Daisuke is grappling with a third on the ground. Akiko is holding two more off with wires when one deliberately ensnares himself in it so the other can thrust a kunai in her side before she can react. The report of her pistol nearly covers up Akiko's scream, but the hostile drops, leaving his knife in her side.

Yamada _blurs _into motion, one-two-three kicks all punctuated by the snap of bone and the hostile ragdolls to the ground. Daisuke claps his hands together like a prayer and the earth _slams_ over his opponent's head like a great book being closed and the body goes limp. They've already moved to Akiko's side, leaving Erin to secure the bodies.

She was breathing hard, but still nowhere near as wiped out as she was earlier. She wiped her mouth with the end of her sleeve and tried to ignore the dark stain it left behind. "How's she looking?"

Daisuke grimaced. "We're lucky it missed her kidney."

Erin turned to Yamada now. "How much further to the objective?"

He looked grim. "A little less than half a mile, but we're almost certainly going to be attacked again, if they're willing to confront us this close to Konoha."

"I can carry her, if you can keep them off of me." She didn't hesitate over whether she could even do it. She couldn't afford the doubt. She was also still a little hopped up on whatever the fuck was in that pill. _This is going to suck __**major**__ donkey dick._

Yamada's eyebrows were practically in his hairline. "All the way to Konoha?"

"No one gets left behind."

The ninja had a silent conversation between them, before Yamada finally nodded. Erin adjusted her rifle to hang tight to her side as Daisuke finished wrapping Akiko's wound. As soon as it was done they stood her up and Erin looped an arm between her legs, lifting the barely-conscious Uchiha into a fireman's carry. After a moment to adjust so Akiko's weight sat properly across Erin's shoulders, she looked at Yamada. "Which way?"

He pointed, and they were off. Akiko was by no means the heaviest person Erin had carried, but running with another person on your shoulders adds magnitudes of difficulty, especially if you've already been running all day. Her heart seemed to pound deafeningly in time with her feet, her vision narrowing in on the red-orange swirl on the back of Daisuke's vest.

_Who thought that was a good idea, that thing's the perfect target._

In, in, in, out. In, in, in, out. There was yelling around her, and the clash of metal barely heard above the pounding of her feet and her own breath. She felt two impacts against her back SAPI, like rocks being thrown at her, and a line of fire lanced its ways across the outside of her leg as a kunai just barely missed. She hissed, readjusted her hold on Akiko, and lengthened her stride.

She could see the giant gates ahead of her now, and dragged up whatever energy left she could find. Daisuke was trying to tell her something, but the words didn't make sense, and after a minute Yamada's voice also sounded, briefly, before Daisuke took his place back in front of her and led her through the gates and down the streets, which were blessedly empty, or nearly so.

"Out of the way, old man!" she managed to bark out at some asshole in a stupid-looking hat she'd nearly run over in her hurry. She instantly regretted it as she stumbled with exhaustion, but she didn't drop Akiko. She forced herself to keep going, to keep following Daisuke. He all but slammed the door open before her, and she nearly crashed into him as she barreled past.

"_CORPSMAN!_" she yelled, momentarily forgetting they'd have no idea what the word meant."_CORPSMAN!_"

_Fuck, what's the word…_

"MEDIC! I NEED A FUCKING MEDIC OVER HERE!"

She was instantly surrounded by a swarm of figures all asking questions she couldn't hear, and commands she couldn't understand. Erin could feel the crash coming up at her full force but refused to drop before she knew Akiko was good. "FUCKING TAKE HER ALREADY I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN STAND!" Almost before the words were out of her mouth, she could feel the weight being lifted off of her shoulders and had to fight the urge to reflexively clamp down.

"We have her!" The medic with a hand on her shoulder insisted, "We have her!"

"Oh, thank god."

Erin was out cold before her body even hit the ground.


End file.
